It’s a strange feeling. The UK votes in a General Election tomorrow, and for the first time ever, I am out of the country whilst it’s happening. I’m thankful for the mechanisms that allow me to still have a say in what happens - insignificant as my vote is thanks to the UKs antiquated and unfair first-past-the-post electoral system, but at least I do get a vote. A surprising number of people in what we laughingly call the modern world aren’t nearly so fortunate. I had originally envisioned that I would need to request a postal vote, but by the time my request was in, the first tranche of them had been sent out, and it was clear that the next batch wouldn’t get sent out in time for me to be sure of it getting back to the UK before the polls closed. So praise be for the proxy voting system, and much gratitude to my droog Alan for taking care of business for me tomorrow (cheers, Al, we shall celebrate when we get back to Blighty!).
I very much doubt that my local Tory, one Nigel Huddleston, will be evicted from his very safe seat, but hope springs eternal. Mr. Huddleston is nothing if not the worst kind of political opportunist, a dyed-in-the-wool Tory loyalist who I believe has never once voted against even the worst excesses of his party, blithely signed the pledge of allegiance to Boris Johnson’s cult of personality, and once sent me such a rude, dismissive reply to me that I felt sorry I’d ever even bothered to contact him (or his office, more precisely, to be fair - I sincerely doubt he ever saw my initial email). Losing his seat would be the least that I could hope for him in the upcoming Tory bloodbath, but I doubt I’ll have any reason to gloat when it comes to the Evesham/Redditch campaign.
Yes, a Tory bloodbath… It’s an enticing thought for those of us who’ve wished fervently for such a thing at every election since 2010’s unfortunate coalition started its demolition work, but even though every poll has the Tories imploding spectacularly under the weight of their own sleaze and ineptitude, even though every atom of common sense says they’re going to get hammered, I can scarcely believe it’s about to happen. In a way, if the results were announced and somehow they had managed to win, I would be horribly dismayed but not entirely surprised. Why? Because I’m still struggling to understand how on Earth they’ve managed to survive this long, quite honestly. They’ve somehow managed to sidestep a myriad of things that would have ended any previous government, and yet they’re still here, smirking and knocking back their champers, chuckling at the general population’s misfortunes like the pigs at the end of Animal Farm, with seemingly not a care in the world. Even now, after everything, Rishi Sunak’s general attitude seems to be one of dismayed surprise. “Why don’t the peasants love us any more?” he murmurs, in genuine uncomprehending shock. This is why the Tories have to go - it’s not just that they’ve done terrible things, made hugely questionable decisions, had parties whilst we in lockdown and laughed about it, tanked the economy, negotiated an exit from the world’s largest trading bloc in bad faith (essentially flouncing out of the room with a chirpy “Up yours, [insert favourite European nation here]! You can’t tell us what to do any more!”, evidently unaware that that’s exactly what will be happening now when it comes to trade, regardless. Oh, how we laughed!)… It’s not that they’ve done these things, it’s that they genuinely don’t understand why that is a problem.
So, here’s hoping for a Tory bloodbath tomorrow. They’ve had 14 years to try and persuade us that they have our best interests at heart, but if anything they seem to be less and less concerned with our well-being with each iteration, as they the Tory cloning process has slowly broken down, leaving us with something like what’s left of Lord Sidious in The Rise Of Skywalker. To my way of thinking, we have to dump them and start afresh; and although obviously as someone who is very left-wing, I would prefer a left-leaning party to take over, I honestly think that even if I was more right-wing, I would want to see substantial change regardless. The Tory party as it currently exists is not fit for purpose. I mean, me and my school friends were taking the piss out the Tories and calling them the Nasty Party/Torybastards and all that over 30 years ago; the Tories of that time seem almost comically benign next to the current bunch.
Let’s not go crazy, though. Dump the Tories, eviscerate them, make them cry rivers of contrite tears in bitter understanding of their colossal failure in gymnasiums and civic centres around the UK by all means… but let’s not lose our minds completely. Let’s not vote for Nigel Farage’s Poundland Nazi party instead.
I’ve watched the steady growth in support for Farage’s Reform UK (a private company rather than a genuine political party, let’s not forget that, for a start - who do you think is benefiting from this company’s activity? That’s right, not us!) with first unease and now a steadily growing horror. I applaud the general idea of rebelling against the existing system - you have to hand it to Farage for selling support of his ‘party’ as a “revolt” - which has served up the Tories (useless) and Labour (a slightly less nasty version of the Tories), but Reform UK is not the way, people, it is not the way. Farage is not a man of the people, for all his affectations stage-managed appearances; he is not standing up for the little man against a rigged system - he is the rigged system. He’s a self-styled Lord of the Manor, a jumped-up Deep One from the silty depths of the local canal, and he will absolutely fuck you over the first chance he gets, and guffaw in smug self-amusement as he always does when doing so. Voting for Farage just allows him to punch down at everyone who is having a hard time of it whilst he pretends to give the merest damn about any of the things you care about. Read his comments about the NHS if you have any doubts about that whatsoever - it’d be toast in months if not weeks if he had his way, although - again, thanks (strangely enough) to that same first-past-the-post system I was railing against earlier - I guess even the worst system can sometimes work in your favour - that is, happily, not going to be the case. This time.
I was gonna add some stuff here about the chaotic state of the ongoing US election campaign here (all of dispiriting, I’m sorry to say), but I’ve already waffled on, so I’ll just say this: Farage, before he decided to take over Reform UK from its existing leader ahead of the election, was going to spend the next few months in the US helping Donald Trump campaign. There’s a reason for that, and that is that essentially they are the same person, however different their origins. Both are merely puppets - albeit malignant ones with their own agendas. Hostage to a veritable parade of unsavoury thinktanks and individuals, they are merely vessels by which these interests turn back the clock for the rest of us whilst they ransack the safe and steal the silver, to run away squealing in delight at the end, when everything falls apart. Don’t facilitate their endeavours. Don’t allow them to unmake all the good things that we’ve all struggled to make over the past, say, 50 years. Don’t be Jar Jar Binks*.
Happy Fuck The Tories Day everyone!
* Yes, another Star Wars reference. If you’re not a fan, read any biography of this fictional character and you’ll whereof I speak. If you can’t be bothered, just smile wryly; I promise it’s amusing. Unless you are a fascist-in-the-making, of course, in which case what on Earth are you doing reading this? :-)
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I'm with you 100%, Dave. There's so much wrong with our country (and electoral system) and getting rid of the Tories (hopefully!) is a crucial start and at least gives us the opportunity of finally moving forward. Of course, whether we take that opportunity is entirely another matter